
<a href="https://d1js6qm6cshi0v.cloudfront.net/oldblog/2013-09-30-state-of-the-offspring-address-september-2013/10039836806_2be9fe8fe8_o_d.jpg" target="_blank" class="flickr-image post-thumb" title="Crown Prince">
  <img src="https://d1js6qm6cshi0v.cloudfront.net/oldblog/2013-09-30-state-of-the-offspring-address-september-2013/10039836806_2729dc6898_t.jpg" alt="Crown Prince"/>
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This month saw Nora's triumphant return to school as a preschool sophomore. While it's true that she was the only kid in her class to begin crying three minutes before school started and begged me not to make her go to school, once her teacher promised that I could go in with her, she calmed down and fell right into the role of student, so much so that she didn't notice that I didn't go in with her. Last year she was a "turtle", and this year, she's a "bear", as each of the three preschool grades have a nickname and mascot. The mascot last year was [Tomasa](/2012/11/06/turtle-sitting-tomasa-came-home/), and this year it's a panda called Chu-Lin, named after [the panda](http://www.elmundo.es/especiales/2007/09/ciencia/pandas/chulin.html) that lived in the Madrid zoo while I went from kindergarten through high school.  <a href="https://d1js6qm6cshi0v.cloudfront.net/oldblog/2013-09-30-state-of-the-offspring-address-september-2013/10041910986_205564c719_o_d.jpg" target="_blank" class="flickr-image" title="Nora with Chu-Lin">
  <img src="https://d1js6qm6cshi0v.cloudfront.net/oldblog/2013-09-30-state-of-the-offspring-address-september-2013/10041910986_cbdbcb6bee.jpg" alt="Nora with Chu-Lin"/>
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On the fourth or fifth day of school, it was Nora's turn to bring home Chu-Lin. Of course I chose that day as one of the rare times when I went to go pick her up carrying Ian in my arms, not in the stroller, so Nora ended up carrying this enormous bear home with her all by herself.

She's been learning a lot about bears in school. She knows about polar bears and panda bears and brown bears. The other day, she and I were sitting at the dining room table, eating lunch and discussing issues of the day, and she said, "Daddy, did you know there are bad people in China?" I didn't even know she knew that China existed. I suggested she continue, and she informed me that she learned in school that there are people in China that kill panda bears. "Yes," I nodded, that's very bad.

<a href="https://d1js6qm6cshi0v.cloudfront.net/oldblog/2013-09-30-state-of-the-offspring-address-september-2013/10039731994_c034758468_o_d.jpg" target="_blank" class="flickr-image" title="Bus Driver">
  <img src="https://d1js6qm6cshi0v.cloudfront.net/oldblog/2013-09-30-state-of-the-offspring-address-september-2013/10039731994_48552353d5.jpg" alt="Bus Driver"/>
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Believe it or not, I actually managed to take care of both Ian and Nora all morning long all by myself for the first few days of the month, and then, when school began on September 12, managed to consistently get Nora to school every morning, back from school, and fed, every day. There were definitely times when I just had to let Ian wail by himself while I cooked lunch or bathed Nora, but Nora did a good job of helping me entertain him while I cooked. One of her favorite games was to put a chair against his stroller, and, with her hula hoop, pretend to drive a bus.

<iframe width="505" height="379" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/0hHN6Egj5G0?rel=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

I was quite surprised by her level of detail in her imaginary bus driving game, considering that she has only once used a bus as public transportation, when she was two years old. She would occasionally arrive at various towns and announce that everyone that wanted to get off here at Salamanca should exit the bus, and anyone from Salamanca who would like to go to Colindres should wait patiently for the other passengers to get off before boarding for Colindres.

We try not to let Nora watch too much television, but she can be really clingy sometimes when you're trying to do some chore, like cooking or cleaning or laundry, and the television is a handy way to occupy her for brief periods. She's a fan of several _Nick Jr._ programs, such as _Dora The Explorer_, _Team Umizoomi_, and _Little Bill_. We always have that channel set to English, so she watches all her television in English. She has learned a _lot_ of general knowledge, e.g. what dinosaurs or spaceships are, from television that we have not taught her. And, because of the language situation, we can see exactly what concepts she has learned from television, because she knows them in English, and which concepts she's learned at school, because she knows them in Spanish. It's fascinating to observe. The bus driving game, for instance, developed in English, so it must have been from television.

<a href="https://d1js6qm6cshi0v.cloudfront.net/oldblog/2013-09-30-state-of-the-offspring-address-september-2013/10038343696_5f7f4039ed_o_d.jpg" target="_blank" class="flickr-image" title="Claudia and Nora in Ampuero">
  <img src="https://d1js6qm6cshi0v.cloudfront.net/oldblog/2013-09-30-state-of-the-offspring-address-september-2013/10038343696_b16dde46fd.jpg" alt="Claudia and Nora in Ampuero"/>
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This is Nora's best friend Claudia, at the annual [San-Fermin-like festival in Ampuero](/2011/09/13/ampuero-bullrun/). Both of them are quite introverted and shy, but when they are together, they become chatty and active.

<a href="https://d1js6qm6cshi0v.cloudfront.net/oldblog/2013-09-30-state-of-the-offspring-address-september-2013/10039836806_2be9fe8fe8_o_d.jpg" target="_blank" class="flickr-image" title="Crown Prince">
  <img src="https://d1js6qm6cshi0v.cloudfront.net/oldblog/2013-09-30-state-of-the-offspring-address-september-2013/10039836806_2729dc6898.jpg" alt="Crown Prince"/>
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We bought Nora these bizarre scissors at IKEA that cut a sawtooth pattern. Her first idea was to ask for some "sticky tape", so she could make her brother a crown.

<a href="https://d1js6qm6cshi0v.cloudfront.net/oldblog/2013-09-30-state-of-the-offspring-address-september-2013/10039741135_432dbe107c_o_d.jpg" target="_blank" class="flickr-image" title="Card Game">
  <img src="https://d1js6qm6cshi0v.cloudfront.net/oldblog/2013-09-30-state-of-the-offspring-address-september-2013/10039741135_03aed59164.jpg" alt="Card Game"/>
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One of Nora's Dora-themed coloring books had a back cover that could be cut up into sixteen paired cards to play [Memory](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Concentration_(game)). Nora is just the right age for such a game, and we've been playing it a lot. Her memory for card locations is quite good, but her search strategy for exploring the gamespace is terrible, as she will often turn over a card she just saw first and then guess randomly at the unknown cards looking for a lucky match. …but then the whiskey she has to sip when I match a pair doesn't help.

<a href="https://d1js6qm6cshi0v.cloudfront.net/oldblog/2013-09-30-state-of-the-offspring-address-september-2013/10039448845_08e5d293c3_o_d.jpg" target="_blank" class="flickr-image" title="Watching TV">
  <img src="https://d1js6qm6cshi0v.cloudfront.net/oldblog/2013-09-30-state-of-the-offspring-address-september-2013/10039448845_74e27290f0.jpg" alt="Watching TV"/>
</a>

Ian is doing very well. He had a bit of a rough time with a cold and fever after his 4-month vaccination, but he's all better now. He certainly is a happy baby…as long as there is at least one person giving him their undivided attention and cooing at him.

### Operant Conditioning Ninja

My son uses variable ratio reinforcement to get people to coo at him.

The psychology of Behaviorism teaches us that [the very best way](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reinforcement#Simple_schedules) to train an animal, humans definitely included, to perform a certain task is to give them what is called Variable Ratio reinforcement, where you randomize how many times the task must be done before a reward is given. If a slot machine gave out coins on every fourth pull, no one would play it. My son uses variable ratio reinforcement to get people <a href="https://d1js6qm6cshi0v.cloudfront.net/oldblog/2013-09-30-state-of-the-offspring-address-september-2013/10041580944_aa25e6f2cd_o_d.jpg" target="_blank" class="flickr-image" title="Hanging In Da Crib">
  <img src="https://d1js6qm6cshi0v.cloudfront.net/oldblog/2013-09-30-state-of-the-offspring-address-september-2013/10041580944_d2a07e0382_m.jpg" alt="Hanging In Da Crib"/>
</a>

to coo at him. He won't smile or giggle every time you talk to or tickle him, but he will at least once in every twenty things you say to him. It amuses me to no end to observe whomever he is conditioning, myself included, respond to his reinforcement by trying to repeat the exact last thing, they did, the tone and actions, to get more of his sweet, sweet laughter.

### Sibling Moment

<iframe width="505" height="379" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/3su92BOqAS8?rel=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

### Daycare

[Previously, on State of the Offspring Address](/2013/08/31/state-of-the-offspring-address-august-2013/)… There was some equivocation about our daycare plans. We didn't take him to daycare at all during September, but will begin in October, although we haven't nailed down the exact hours. Stay tuned for further updates.

The state of the offspring is strong!

<a href="https://d1js6qm6cshi0v.cloudfront.net/oldblog/2013-09-30-state-of-the-offspring-address-september-2013/10038369756_0022844a99_o_d.jpg" target="_blank" class="flickr-image" title="Daddy and The Kids">
  <img src="https://d1js6qm6cshi0v.cloudfront.net/oldblog/2013-09-30-state-of-the-offspring-address-september-2013/10038369756_2b63b6a920.jpg" alt="Daddy and The Kids"/>
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State of the Offspring Address - September 2013


<a href="https://d1js6qm6cshi0v.cloudfront.net/oldblog/2013-09-27-spanish-lesson-for-new-parents/3683727267_987ca9a279_o_d.jpg" target="_blank" class="flickr-image post-thumb" title="Small Collar">
  <img src="https://d1js6qm6cshi0v.cloudfront.net/oldblog/2013-09-27-spanish-lesson-for-new-parents/3683727267_7341f9acdb_t.jpg" alt="Small Collar"/>
</a>

When you learn a second language, apart from the grammar rules, you obtain a very thinly spread vocabulary of a variety of subjects. But when you're living in a country that speaks that foreign language, and you delve into a hobby, like camping or sailing or carpentry, you realize that there is a whole new fractal universe of domain-specific vocabulary, words for all the nouns and verbs associated with a specific activity. One such example of a new domain that they don't teach very deeply in textbooks is all the vocabulary that goes with having and caring for a baby. I have two fellow Americans In Spain that are pregnant, so I thought I'd write a post outlining some vocabulary every parent in Spain needs.  [![Quadruplets!](https://d1js6qm6cshi0v.cloudfront.net/oldblog/2013-09-27-spanish-lesson-for-new-parents/3927809963_de78f74583.jpg)](/2009/09/17/four-noras/ "Quadruplets! by erikrasmussen, on Flickr")

## Vocabulary

**el paritorio** - delivery room

**la matrona** - midwife

**la teta** - Breast. _¿Le das teta?_ = Do you breastfeed \[the baby\]?

**el pezón** - Nipple

**la pezonera** - A silicon "false nipple" that can be placed atop the real nipple to avoid irritation or if the baby [doesn't suckle properly](/2009/03/28/sucking-at-sucking/). I really hope you don't need one.

**mamar** - To suckle or breastfeed. Personally, I love this word, as it both reminds me how we are _mammals_ and makes calling the mother "mama" make so much sense.

**el chupete** - pacifier (US) or dummy (UK).

**la baba** - dribble, spittle, drool, slobber. All that saliva that babies produce.

**el babero** - A bib.

**el biberón** – Baby bottle. Often abbreviated "_el bibe_". At first I confused it a lot with _el babero_ because it started with "bib".

**la tetina** - The silicon nipple on a _biberón_.

**el nene, la nena** - An informal way to refer to a baby. When you're pushing your kiddo around in the stroller, people with toddlers will come up to you and tell their toddler, "_¡Mira el nene!_", or you may be asked the sex of your baby with, "_¿Es nene o nena?_"

**el carro, el carricoche, la silla** - stroller (US) or pram (UK).

**el orinal** - potty

**el body** - a onesie. This is one of the Spanish words that we use in both languages in our house, just as we use "potty" in both languages.

**el maxicosi, el huevo** - an infant's backward-facing car seat. In our house, we only used "_el huevo_", but Maxi-Cosi is a name brand, by the Canadian company Dorel Industries, that has been adopted to be the noun, much like kleenex or frisbee.

**el pañal, el dodotis** - diaper (US) or nappy (UK). Like _el maxicosi_, _el dodotis_ is a name brand – from Dodot, who pretty much has a diaper monopoly in Spain – that has made the jump into noundom.

**la toallita (humeda)** - wet towelettes. Never EVER run out of these.

**la pupa** - boo-boo, an injury sustained by a child. Don't forget to [mete out justice](/2011/02/17/parenting-in-spain-inanimate-retribution/)!

**hacer pis** - to pee-pee. Humorous to me because it sounds like a Spanish-accented attempt at the more vulgar English word "piss".

**caquita** - poo-poo

## La Leche

It always struck me as odd how much the word "milk" is used in Spanish slang.

[![Milk Drop 6000](https://d1js6qm6cshi0v.cloudfront.net/oldblog/2013-09-27-spanish-lesson-for-new-parents/3664792672_e85613fb55.jpg)](http://www.flickr.com/photos/buckcash/3664792672/ "Milk Drop 6000 by Buck Cash, on Flickr")

.vocab-table { width: 100%; } .vocab-table td { padding: 5px 2px; } .vocab-table th { text-align:left; }

Expression

Literal Meaning

Figurative Meaning

_Estar de mala leche_

To be from bad milk

To be angry or in a bad mood

_Hacer algo de mala leche_

To do something of bad milk

To do something with bad intentions

_Tener una mala leche_

To have a bad milk

To be mean or a complete bastard

_Dar una leche_

To give a milk

To clobber/smack somebody

_¡Esto es la leche!_

This is the milk!

This is the goddamn limit!

_¡Estoy hasta la leche!_

I am until the milk

I've had it up to here!

_Ser la leche_

To be the milk

To be the unbelievably good/bad

_\[Hace calor\] de la leche_

\[To be hot\] of the milk

It's fucking \[hot\]

_¿Qué leche quieres?_

What milk do you want?

What the hell do you want?

It's really gotten almost as versatile as "fuck" in English.

However, when you've got a baby, and you realize that, for the first few months of our lives, **milk is everything!** Then all the slang starts to make \[slightly more\] sense.

## Rhetorical Infantophagy

One thing you will notice is the Spanish tendency to refer to your baby as something they would like to eat. To say that a parent or grandparent is very fond of their baby, it's common to say "_¡Se te caen las babas!_", or "You're drooling!", as if the very presence of the child is stimulating your salivary glands to prepare for digesting it.

Another common exclamation about the cuteness of your baby is, "_¡Me lo como!_", or "I \[want to\] eat him up!" Put down the fork, _Señora_.

Everyone and their aunt has explained to me that, "here in Spain, we say:"

> _Cuando son pequeños te los quieres comer. Y cuando son mayores te da pena no haberlos comido._

Which means:

> When they're little, you just want to eat them. And when they grow up you wish you'd eaten them.

![Baby Sandwich](https://d1js6qm6cshi0v.cloudfront.net/oldblog/2013-09-27-spanish-lesson-for-new-parents/9965219533_28bc36dfa9_o.jpg)

Don't worry, though. The Spanish don't actually eat their young; they just talk about it a lot.

_Muchí­sima suerte a mis amigas_, Kate and [Erin](http://www.latortugaviajera.com/). The pre-parenthood advice I'll never forget came from my friend, John. He said, _**"This is the most important thing you will ever do."**_


Spanish Lesson for New Parents


<img src="https://d1js6qm6cshi0v.cloudfront.net/oldblog/2013-09-26-rasmussens-law-of-parenting/9953996075_db165cddae_t.jpg" alt="Rasmussen's Law of Parenting (square)" class="post-thumb"/>Over my past few years of parenthood, as I have observed my emotions, I have noticed a strong correlation between where we currently are in the spectrum between "Idyllic Family Photo Album Moment" and "Screaming Frazzled Crazy Parent Birth Control Commercial". It's all a matter of how much of a hurry I'm in and what all else needs to get done, e.g. cooking, cleaning, errands. The idea coalesced into a single sentence a year or so ago, which I think I may have tweeted, and, as I go about my daily life of raising my kids, it comes to mind. Every. Single. Day.  ![Rasmussen's Law of Parenting](https://d1js6qm6cshi0v.cloudfront.net/oldblog/2013-09-26-rasmussens-law-of-parenting/9953067216_def0e9b200_o.gif)

Lazy Sunday mornings reading children's books and long Saturday afternoons at the playground are on the left; mornings getting ready for school are somewhere in the middle; and packing for a vacation and preparing the house for a dinner party are on the right.

Every parent's curve will be slightly different, depending on how authoritarian or high strung they are, but I'm pretty sure the slope will be negative for everyone.

The concept is both descriptive and prescriptive; it explains both _why_ you are unhappy and _how_ to be happier. When you feel like you're one spilt juice away from offspring defenestration, it allows you to take a step back and reevaluate your unrealistic ambition to simultaneously draft that corporate memo and live in a house without legos and chocolate all over the floor.

Don't get me wrong, many times you just don't have a choice of where you are on the x-axis. For instance, your toddler isn't going to understand why Mommy has to work two jobs to pay the rent. And sometimes you just have to let your child cry for your attention while you cook her dinner or take a shower or clean up her brother's vomit. It can be very easy, however, to get too ambitious and either not seek out enough childcare help or have overinflated standards of household cleanliness.

What I love most about it is that it **removes blame from the child**, which is a philosophy that can be very easy to forget when you're rushing the family out the door and your son keeps taking his pants off. Personally I find it very useful to be reminded, on a daily basis, that all the stress in a parent-child relationship comes from the parent.

Parents, what do you think?

I only put my name on this sentence because it seems like the kind of statement that should exist on the Internet in "\[somebody\]'s Law" webcomic form. Feel free to share or modify it. [![Creative Commons License](https://d1js6qm6cshi0v.cloudfront.net/oldblog/2013-09-26-rasmussens-law-of-parenting/80x15.png)](http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/)


Rasmussen's Law of Parenting


<img src="https://d1js6qm6cshi0v.cloudfront.net/oldblog/2013-09-19-itunes-radio-is-a-game-changer/9820279833_6407805023_t.jpg" alt="iTunes Radio" class="post-thumb"/>Back when [Spotify](https://www.spotify.com/) was only available in Europe, and I had that to tease my American friends about, I signed up for the free version, and saw the value of it. For someone that doesn't already have a massive music collection, or for someone wanting constant background music, like in a bar or restaurant, services Spotify make a _lot_ of sense. I've never used [Pandora](http://www.pandora.com/), because they've never made the effort to enter the European market. And long before them, I used [Last.FM](http://www.last.fm/) for a while. The ability to stream music you don't own is excellent. There's only one problem: it loses money.  ![iTunes Radio](https://d1js6qm6cshi0v.cloudfront.net/oldblog/2013-09-19-itunes-radio-is-a-game-changer/9820279833_6407805023.jpg)

I heard [a podcast](http://www.onthemedia.org/story/292633-state-streaming-music/) a few months ago about the internet music streaming business, and Tim Carmody, the expert interviewed, explained that there is no way to make money streaming music over the internet. The royalties are just too high and the advertising and subscription revenue is too low. When asked to predict the future of the industry, he said that some huge company, like Google or Amazon or Apple, was going to take over and just operate that part of their business at a loss. Companies like Spotify and Pandora whose sole business model relies on music streaming will eventually fall away.

Yesterday, Apple released iTunes Radio. If anyone can make money streaming music over the internet, it would have to be a company that makes music players and also has a one-tap way to purchase music through a music store. If Amazon had any music players, they might have a shot at it, but at the moment, there's only one player that has what is needed. Apple is going to sell a lot more music because of iTunes Radio.

I've only been listening to iTunes Radio for an hour, and I've already discovered several new bands and songs that I'd like to own. Apple is going to sell _way_ more music as a result of iTunes Radio! Plus, they already have deals with record companies, so they might be able to negotiate down the royalty fees.

Carmody may be right, that the only way to operate streaming internet music is at a loss, but I think that loss might be more worth it in the long term for Apple than for any other company. If I were in charge of Spotify or Pandora or Last.FM or any of iTunes Radio's competitors, I would be very, very worried.


4 posts from September, 2013