
<a href="https://d1js6qm6cshi0v.cloudfront.net/oldblog/2016-03-19-noras-seventh-birthday-party/25283979104_c088a0e44f_o_d.jpg" target="_blank" class="flickr-image post-thumb" title="Nora's Seventh Birthday Party">
  <img src="https://d1js6qm6cshi0v.cloudfront.net/oldblog/2016-03-19-noras-seventh-birthday-party/25283979104_572923ffe9_t.jpg" alt="Nora's Seventh Birthday Party"/>
</a>

Today we had a birthday party for Nora's seventh birthday. She has been going to classmates' birthday parties for a couple of years now, but this is the first one that she has thrown. She filled out little invitation cards with the date and her mother's mobile phone number and gave them out to her classmates and her best friend three floors down. As a result, she is the only living human who knows her mother's new phone number by memory; the number recently changed, and I have not memorised it yet, and her mother never learned her previous number of nine years.  Her actual birthday is this coming Thursday, but because of [_Computus_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Computus), an incredibly complex algorithm that I would never want to attempt to write, she does not have school on Thursday or Friday, and many of her classmates will be traveling next weekend. So we obviously had to throw the party this weekend.

We went to a place called _La Paloma_ (The Pigeon) in the nearby town of Ampuero. We have been to several birthday parties there. Let me explain how it works. They have a pretty good sized climbing castle, a big padded 3D maze of obstacles to climb in and through, a bar and set of café tables for the parents with a clear line of sight to the castle, and several private rooms, including a "disco", a dark room with music and a disco ball. The cost is 11€ per kid, with a minimum of 5 kids for a birthday party. That gets you unlimited time there, a table full of junk food (including pizza!), a birthday cake, a bag of candy for each kid as they leave, and a framed photo of the birthday kid in front of the cake upon settling your bill. We had 15 kids, and our final bill, including a coffee and beer tab, after being there for **_four hours_** was 178€. We had each parent give us 10€ to cover their kid (a tradition we have participated in for past parties), so we got out of there like kings for 28€ or 7€/hour to put on a pretty great party. Oh, and there weren't really 15 kids, because at least four of them had siblings there, too, who also got their own departure bag of candy. Also, we got to bring home the second uneaten birthday cake that they had made for us. I almost feel guilty for how unfair our business deal was.

11 out of 10 stars. Would recommend to a friend!

<a href="https://d1js6qm6cshi0v.cloudfront.net/oldblog/2016-03-19-noras-seventh-birthday-party/25616120990_82b8dd9859_o_d.jpg" target="_blank" class="flickr-image" title="Nora's Seventh Birthday Party">
  <img src="https://d1js6qm6cshi0v.cloudfront.net/oldblog/2016-03-19-noras-seventh-birthday-party/25616120990_8c7555fff6_z.jpg" alt="Nora's Seventh Birthday Party"/>
</a>

Passing out the snacks. Do American first-grader birthday parties have bowls of olives? I don't think so.

<a href="https://d1js6qm6cshi0v.cloudfront.net/oldblog/2016-03-19-noras-seventh-birthday-party/25287971713_ef6554a36b_o_d.jpg" target="_blank" class="flickr-image" title="Nora's Seventh Birthday Party">
  <img src="https://d1js6qm6cshi0v.cloudfront.net/oldblog/2016-03-19-noras-seventh-birthday-party/25287971713_06388f74de_z.jpg" alt="Nora's Seventh Birthday Party"/>
</a>

Great decoration for just spoonfuls of pudding.

<a href="https://d1js6qm6cshi0v.cloudfront.net/oldblog/2016-03-19-noras-seventh-birthday-party/25916677745_a3369356e3_o_d.jpg" target="_blank" class="flickr-image" title="Nora's Seventh Birthday Party">
  <img src="https://d1js6qm6cshi0v.cloudfront.net/oldblog/2016-03-19-noras-seventh-birthday-party/25916677745_f057deeac9_z.jpg" alt="Nora's Seventh Birthday Party"/>
</a>

Mmmm!! Sausages!

<a href="https://d1js6qm6cshi0v.cloudfront.net/oldblog/2016-03-19-noras-seventh-birthday-party/25287971973_0870459942_o_d.jpg" target="_blank" class="flickr-image" title="Nora's Seventh Birthday Party">
  <img src="https://d1js6qm6cshi0v.cloudfront.net/oldblog/2016-03-19-noras-seventh-birthday-party/25287971973_95cfc52d23_z.jpg" alt="Nora's Seventh Birthday Party"/>
</a>

Birthday girl with a crown made by a friend.

<a href="https://d1js6qm6cshi0v.cloudfront.net/oldblog/2016-03-19-noras-seventh-birthday-party/25821744491_ddf1b7044f_o_d.jpg" target="_blank" class="flickr-image" title="Nora's Seventh Birthday Party">
  <img src="https://d1js6qm6cshi0v.cloudfront.net/oldblog/2016-03-19-noras-seventh-birthday-party/25821744491_0e3fc03754_z.jpg" alt="Nora's Seventh Birthday Party"/>
</a>

Strawberry cake!

<a href="https://d1js6qm6cshi0v.cloudfront.net/oldblog/2016-03-19-noras-seventh-birthday-party/25795917832_2a1679a98e_o_d.jpg" target="_blank" class="flickr-image" title="Nora's Seventh Birthday Party">
  <img src="https://d1js6qm6cshi0v.cloudfront.net/oldblog/2016-03-19-noras-seventh-birthday-party/25795917832_2785cc1c4c_z.jpg" alt="Nora's Seventh Birthday Party"/>
</a>

Pizza! Pizza!

I'm not sure who had the genius idea (and powers of persuasion) to get Ian to sit next to his sister for the cake ceremony, but I applaud them. The lady from the venue who lights the candles (another service provided) tells everyone that if anyone other than the birthday girl blows out the candles there will be hell to pay. One wisenheimer retorts, "But what if someone farts and the candles go out!" To him I want to give a stern paternal glare and a celebratory fist bump for his quick potty wit.

<iframe width="505" height="284" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/feqssSJUyWg" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

The whole affair was an amazing success. Happy birthday, Nora!


Nora's Seventh Birthday Party


<img src="https://d1js6qm6cshi0v.cloudfront.net/oldblog/2016-03-15-how-to-emigrate-from-the-united-states-dont/25505456500_be12cb5299_t.jpg" alt="Emigration from US" class="post-thumb"/>Several of my American friends have asked me privately about ways or plans to emigrate from the United States should certain political powers assume control. This is an open letter to them.

The truth is that emigration is _hard_, and for the most part, **Europe doesn't want you**, no matter how white and educated you are (and I can really only speak to Europe; maybe the Canucks will have you?). I am a highly sought after computer programmer – I literally get recruiter emails every day – and it was nearly impossible for me to find a company willing to give me a work permit in the UK. The escape chute might be a little better lubricated if you are a college student. It's easy to live abroad temporarily as a student, and easier – though still almost impossible! – to find a permanent position once you are already temporarily abroad. ![Immigration Word Cloud](https://d1js6qm6cshi0v.cloudfront.net/oldblog/2016-03-15-how-to-emigrate-from-the-united-states-dont/25179490233_370a21c499.jpg "Immigration Word Cloud")

Marriage is the only surefire grappling hook to fire over the immigration wall, and even then you've got to climb up the rope. My friend, Tina, was more or less deported from the ![UK Border Control](https://d1js6qm6cshi0v.cloudfront.net/oldblog/2016-03-15-how-to-emigrate-from-the-united-states-dont/25780421226_2d08ef836f_m.jpg "UK Border Control")UK back to the US for six (?) months away from her husband – she was already married to a Brit!! – while her spouse residency application was processed. I was once held for several hours in a London immigration interrogation room, with no information given to my future wife (who had gone through the EU immigration line), while they quizzed me about WTF I thought I was doing exiting and entering the UK so often. They let me enter the country with the ultimatum that I would not be allowed back in if I left again.

Oh, and did I mention that the US is the only country on the planet that [will tax its citizens](http://blogs.wsj.com/expat/2015/02/23/tax-time-everything-u-s-expats-should-know-about-irs-tax-forms/), even if they live abroad, work abroad, pay taxes abroad to their country of residence, and have all their finances abroad? Choose a country with a [double taxation treaty](/2008/06/26/avoiding-double-taxation-between-spain-and-usa/).

![Emigration from US](https://d1js6qm6cshi0v.cloudfront.net/oldblog/2016-03-15-how-to-emigrate-from-the-united-states-dont/25505456500_be12cb5299.jpg "Emigration from US")

### Conclusion

Your best bet is to stay put and hope that the American system of government has enough checks and balances to protect you. If your worst fears about the government start to take shape, however, then maybe the refugee sphincter might relax in some European countries to let some of you through, but you really don't want to hope for persecution.

White affluent Americans who have traveled abroad often talk of emigration like it's just something that they could do at any moment, but it's not. The rich white privilege card might jump you to the front of some queues, but don't count on that suit being trump.


2 posts from March, 2016