If monkeys ever developed a system of crime fighting, or if we hadn't lost our opposable big toe, their fingerprint database would need toeprints as well. Otherwise the killers would just use their feet to hold the murder weapon.
The above was conceived while watching my daughter grasp her own feet together like Mr. Burns does with his hands. I always think, "Exxxxcellent..." when she does it. And now, some underappreciated tweets...
"Parking garages are like prostitutes. Why pay for it when, if I apply myself, maybe I can get it for free?" -George Costanza, Seinfeld
You might be a redneck if... ...you suffer from nuchal erythema.
Back in my hometown, I used to know a guy named Dwayne. We played on the tennis team together. Anyway, it occurred to me that, if he were to come visit me, and, heaven forbid, lose his footing while disembarking, it could be said that:
Dwayne, in Spain, falls mainly in the plane.