American in Spain

Conversation With My Bank

April 27, 2009

This is the transcript of an actual conversation that I had today with a representative at the international wire transfer call center of my bank. Behold the idiocy:

Agent: Would you like to initiate an international wire transfer today?

Me: Yes.

Agent: Can I have your account number and the destination account number?

Me: Yes. It's [REDACTED].

Agent: Okay, how much would you like to transfer?

Me: What's the maximum I can send?

Agent: I'm sorry, sir, I cannot tell you that. Only your local branch manager can discuss that with you.

Me: Okay, so I would like to transfer $X.

Agent: I'm sorry, sir, that is above your maximum.

Me: So you won't tell me my maximum, but you will tell me if any quantity I tell you is above or below my maximum?

Agent: You tell me how much you want to transfer, and I will enter it in the system and see if it lets you.

Me: You've got to be kidding me. Okay, how about $X-Y?

Agent: One moment... Yes, you can transfer that amount.

Me: Okay, so it would be safe to say that my maximum transfer limit is between X-Y and X, correct?

Agent: I'm sorry, sir, I can't tell you that.

Me: Whatever. I don't have time to slowly increment the amount until we find the maximum. Just send $X-Y.

Agent: Okay, your confirmation number is [REDACTED]. Is there anything else I can do for you today?

Me: No. Bye.