Salad Dressing Delivery Systems

You buy furniture. You tell yourself: this is the last sofa I'll ever need. No matter what else happens, I've got the sofa issue handled.

- Jack, from Fight Club

This is how I felt about my Salad Dressing Delivery System (SDDS). I love my two little Salad Chefs. They are unique, original, ergonomic, and aesthetically pleasing. I was certain that there was no room for innovation. But I was wrong.

Pouring salad dressing onto salads, resulting in an uneven distribution of dressing, is soon to become an antiquated thing of the past. The future of SDDS technology? Not pouring, but SPRAYING! Straight from the country that brought us the pizza, the thermometer, and the 2006 World Cup Champions, comes Aceto Balsamico Di Modena in a spray bottle!

Ingredients: wine vinegar, grape must, and caramel coloring E150D.

An elegant looking chap. The one in the reflection, not the one on the bottle.

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Sweet spraying action. Video download

Look at the perfect vinegar droplet distribution! Now how do you feel with your inferior pouring-based SDDS?

So where do we go from here?

It's obvious why vinegar was the first condiment to have atomizing technology applied to it because of its low viscosity. I suspect that, given the right amount of scientific research, thicker condiments could also be atomized. I see no reason why a thin coating of ketchup droplets could not be applied to a pile of french fries...or mustard to a hot dog...or salsa to tortilla chips....

This vinegar spray, probably in a slightly smaller bottle, will also double very well as a self defense eye spray. A woman can order a salad in a restaurant, spray some vinegar on it from a bottle in her purse, and then, if she's mugged leaving the restaurant, she can spray some sweet balsamic grape must in her attacker's face. A win-win situation, really.

I hope that you are now thoroughly convinced that your current SDDS solution is inferior and flawed. Change is afoot in the world of Salad Dressing Delivery Systems, and even the larger industry of Condiment Delivery Systems. And you heard it here first!

By the way, apparently you can buy one of these for yourself on Amazon for a Hamilton.

Offtopic footnote: How strange is it that the Italian word for vinegar, aceto, is so close to the Spanish word for oil, aceite? It can't just be a coincidence. Are there any MPCE scholars out there that can clear this up?